Friday, February 15, 2013

SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH


AN IDIOT.


If you want to know what the world thinks about someone, Google "So-and-So is'' and note the auto-fill suggestions. Here are the top 3* for an assorted cast of characters: 

HAROLD REYNOLDS IS ...

an idiot.
annoying.
stupid.


A DOUCHE.


BRYCE HARPER IS ...

a douche.
overrated.
a punk.

BUD SELIG IS ...

an idiot.
the worst commissioner.
the worst commissioner ever.


GAY RUMORS.


MIKE PIAZZA IS ...

gay rumors.
not gay.
he gay?


FILIPINO.


TIM LINCECUM IS ...
Filipino.
ugly.
the worst pitcher ever.


ENGAGED.


RYAN BRAUN IS ...

engaged.
Jewish.
on steroids.


FAT.

DEREK JETER IS ...

fat.
black.
fat now.


THE WORST.

TIM McCARVER IS ...

the worst.
terrible.
awful.

BABE RUTH IS ...

black.
famous for what?
overrated.

TY COBB IS ...

a bad man.
a prick.
a racist.


BROKE.

LENNY DYKSTRA IS ...

broke.
crazy.
an idiot.


BASEBALL IS ...

boring.
life.
gay.


GEORGE STEINBRENNER IS ...

the centre of evil in the universe.
Jewish.
the devil.


A JERK.


PETE ROSE IS ...

a jerk.
banned.
a douche.


ANOTHER JERK.


BARRY BONDS IS ...

a jerk.
skinny again.
a racist.


KATE UPTON IS ...

fat.
well marbled.
ugly.


So what have we learned today?


BORED BASEBALL FANS ARE PREOCCUPIED WITH ...

race.
weight.
Judaism.
appearance.
personality.
homosexuality.
vaginal irrigation.
seeing Harold Reynolds and Tim McCarver go away.

*As of Thursday night.

4 comments:

  1. Mmmmm...well-marbled Kate Upton.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awesome.

    Internet, thanks for showing humanity's flaws once again. Makes me want to log off and read a book.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As soon as I get home tonight, I'm going to compliment my wife on her marbling.

    There sure is a lot of negativity on the Interwebz, outside of the Baseball Card blogosphere, that is.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You, sir, are a maestro!

    I don't know what it says about me that I audibly laughed throughout most of post...

    ReplyDelete