Friday, March 29, 2013

TRUE CRIME STORY


WWNGD (WHAT WOULD NANCY GRACE DO).


FYI: DP IN COP JARGON STANDS FOR DUMB PERP.


Pulled a relic card from a pack the other day, a 2013 Topps Chasing History Mike Moustakas jersey swatch. My first-ever hit. Immediately, I felt like I stepped inside the yellow police tape zone. These forced attempts to manufacture memorabilia look more like pieces of evidence collected from the scene of a crime.

Which they are.

Now I don't follow any of those CSI shows nor am I a homicide detective or forensic scientist by trade. I'll play both roles here, schooled on the finer points after Googling "crime-scene techniques'' and repeatedly being on the lookout for Nancy Grace's flaring nostrils on HLN.

Incidentally, according to Google, Nancy Grace is ...
  1. evil.
  2. crazy.
  3. an idiot.
Anyway, if I was sent to investigate a report from the Royals about the one-eighty-seven of a Moustakas jersey in the clubhouse by a 10-66 last seen carrying fabric scissors after the ADW, I'd naturally ...
  1. secure the scene.
  2. separate the witnesses.
  3. scan the scene.
  4. see the scene.
  5. sketch the scene.
  6. search for evidence.
  7. secure and collect evidence.
The Seven S's of Crime Scene Investigation. Never forget to K.I.S.S. either: Keep It Simple Stupid.

After gathering evidence, I'd probably cardboard bindle a square or 10,000, tag it and bag it. I likely wouldn't go to the trouble of stamping silver foil around it, but I definitely would include a picture of Moustakas wearing the jersey.



STILL WAITING ON FORENSICS FOR THE DNA REPORT.


What's interesting in this case of whodunit is the light stain on the fabric. The bloody jersey? This possibly could've been left behind by the bad guy or maybe Moustakas but definitely not me. 

I'd need to get this to the lab boys on the double. This type of potential circumstantial evidence could help us collar the perp or figure out what Moustakas ate before the APB went out on the jersey.

Finally, it would be time to reconstruct the crime scene. This can be hinky if it was staged. I don't think that's the case here. This appears to be a true crime against memorabilia: a game worn jersey one-eighty-sevened by a 5150 company for profit.

Book 'em, Danno!

And sic 'em, Nancy!

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